The Fear of Being Seen
Meet My Coach, Dr. Pete
Back in 1990, at the grand finale of working on my degrees for 10 years, I hired a coach named Dr. Pete Fernandez to help me start my clinic. Our contract started 8 months before I opened, and it lasted a total of 24 months. The deal: he guaranteed a great start to a long and successful career. His fee? 20% of revenue. Not profit. Revenue.
His expertise was costly, but worth every penny. If it weren’t for him, believe you me… I would have failed. Besides helping me handle all sorts of start-up challenges, getting every gear in motion – from the business plan to the loan to space planning to hiring staff – he made me do the unthinkable:
“GET OUT THERE AND BE SEEN”, he ordered.
“MEET THE PEOPLE YOU’LL BE TAKING CARE OF”, he enthused!
He made me do it.
Here’s how it went: He told me to pick a number: 500, 1500, 3500, 5000, or 7500. That was how many people I’d commit to meet within the next six months, before the Grand Opening.
But, before I made my decision, he wanted me to know the story of Dr Xavier Holland, one of his clients in San Jose, California. Dr Holland had chosen 7500 as his number. He knocked on doors. He gave a lecture at the local Chamber of Commerce. He volunteered at the foodbank. He showed up at the Girl and Boy Scouts events. He set up a Q/A booth at the local health fairs. He stopped at nothing to hit his goal of meeting 7500 people in his community. Within 60 days of opening the doors to his clinic, he was paying his overhead, and growing like crazy.
“So,” asked Dr Pete, “what number do you choose?”
I froze.
I could not choose 500, or 1500. I was mortified to even think it. How pathetic would that be? But 7500?! Like Dr Xavier Holland? It would be impossible! I almost stuttered as I resisted, “I’m opening in Chicago. It’s a city. I can’t knock on doors. This place is filled with tall buildings…with doormen.”
He looked at me, and said, “Your data sheet here says there are 2 ½ million people living in Chicago, and 16,000 residents in the Gold Coast where you will be leasing your office space. How many people do you want to meet in the 6 months before you open?”
I played it safe. I chose the number that was high enough to look like I had some ambition, but not so high that I’d go inconceivably out of my comfort zone…or be held to achieving what I thought was impossible. I’m embarrassed to say it. I chose 3500. I didn’t even have the guts to go for 5,000.
He wrote it on his form, and said, pointing to boxes on the table beside us, “Take seven boxes of those stickers there…the ones that say 3500. On each sticker, write one reason why what you offer matters to a person. Paste it in your success book. You have six months and two weeks to fill up your book. Plenty of time to meet 3500 people with something that matters to each and every one of them.”
I left the meeting with my tail between my legs.
Compared to Dr Xavier Holland, I was a wimp.
The very thought of meeting 10 new people – STRANGERS – freaked me out; let alone 3500.
Time to Meet 3500 Total Strangers
If I was going to meet 3500 total strangers, I’d have to figure out how…
I went to my comfort zone: studying. I hit the books. Surely they would tell me what I needed to do to meet 3500 people.
Dr Pete had taught us, his coaching clients, to be ready to talk about how our service or product would make a difference in people’s lives.
He said we had to speak about it in a way that connected us to the outcome our future patients desired. It was the first time I heard the acronym “WIFM”, or “What’s in it for me?” Dr Pete emphasized our responsibility to put ourselves in the prospective patients’ shoes. To anticipate and to be able to clearly articulate the answer to their WIFM?
This was back in the day when non-Pharma healthcare raised a skeptical, if curious, eyebrow. When terms that were foundational to my offerings – like gluten-free, alkaline water, probiotics, chiropractic adjustment, clinical massage therapy, acupuncture, intermittent fasting, and more – sounded like something you’d get exposed to at an ashram in Northern California…probably in the nude.
Academically, I was fully aligned with my budding career. But, I had just completed my clinic rotations, and I had little personal authority. I was afraid of being called a quack. If I wanted to have any power to answer the fast approaching 3500 WIFMs, I needed pointers. Training.
So, back to Dr Pete I went.
I couldn’t shake the icky feeling of being trained as a salesperson. It pissed me off. “I am not in sales!” I protested.
Dr Pete stayed calm. “Everyone is in sales,” he said.
The year before, I had taken a part time job marketing a new koolaid drink in the mall. It was a bright purple fizzy liquid. It looked like poison, and, in the long run, most certainly was. I felt ashamed to be pedaling such shyte. But it was a multinational brand, and the money was good. I lasted two weekends, then turned in my apron. To me, that was sales. Ick. Blech. Barf.
“You are not selling koolaid. You are selling relief to people who are in pain. Natural solutions for which there are no drugs. A new lease on life.” Dr Pete was passionate, “You are showing them what’s possible, giving them options they don’t even know they have.”
When I Realized I’d Be Selling Me
Suddenly, it hit me.
I would not be selling something.
I would be selling ME.
I would put myself out there to BE SEEN. In a way that made it obvious that I was the one standing for the service.
I would be declaring:
⦁ This is WHO I am.
⦁ This is WHAT I stand for.
⦁ This is MY BELIEF.
⦁ This is HOW I do it.
⦁ I am here for THIS.
BEING SEEN meant I had something I claimed to be, do, and have.
I had to make my claim in PUBLIC. In front of OTHERS.
BEING SEEN would be me, shouting out into the vastness of reality, I am HERE…
…being THIS.
…doing THIS.
…having THIS.
BEING SEEN meant I would be judged.
It meant I would be liked, disliked, admired, criticized, adored, hated…
Who knew what else?
I might be called names.
I’d have no control over what people would say!
I might never get the chance to defend myself!
BEING SEEN meant I’d have to be willing to stand in the middle of the playground of life and say THIS IS THE GAME I MADE. I AM PLAYING IT NOW. WHO IS GOING TO PLAY WITH ME?!
…and what if no one wanted to play?
What if no one picked me?
Everyone might ignore me…might walk right by me…like I didn’t exist…
Maybe it would be easier if they did point at me…and laugh. Or say awful things to me.
At least I would be seen.
The thought of being ignored was almost more terrifying than being seen.
Both options made my stomach turn.
So, before I even started, I quit.
I Could Not Hide For Long
I locked myself in my garden apartment for days.
My yellow terry cloth robe was my day and evening wear.
I refused to answer the phone.
Dr Pete left messages on my answering machine.
“Dr Case, It’s Dr Pete. Waiting for your call.”
Then, one day, it hit me.
Whether I liked it or not…whether I had been willing to be seen or had tried to be invisible…I had already been both. I had been seen. I’d been ignored, too.
It was part of life.
People had already stared at me, pointed at me, laughed at me, revealed their contempt and disdain, avoided me, overlooked me…pretended I did not exist. And, yet, I had survived… I was fine.
So, I let go of the FEAR OF BEING SEEN and the FEAR OF BEING IGNORED.
With renewed energy, I set out to meet my goal of meeting 3500 people.
I circled back around my new location to admire it. I looked up. There, on the 4th floor at the bay window was my future. I was ready.
Like all things, there were ups and downs along the way. There were still days I refused to go out at all (and also refused to answer Dr Pete’s calls). Then, I’d muster. I’d discover some new reason to call it fun, or interesting, or promising. I’d be uplifted by a new acquaintance. I’d imagine myself being part of a community…. Then the day came: The Grand Opening!!
When Your Grand Opening is the Penultimate FLOP
I had reached my goal!
My Success Book proved it: I had met 3500 human beings in my community.
My Grand Opening was announced in the local newspaper. I put out flyers at local businesses. I sent out what Dr Pete called “a mass mailer”. My mom flew in from Vermont. My grandparents flew in from Florida. My brother and sister made the trip, too. My three best friends traveled to Chicago to celebrate my launch.
My leather guest book was on the table ready for signatures!
I was ready for the well-wishers to knock down the door!
No one else came.
I cannot convey the dense fog of awkward embarrassment pervading the air that afternoon. I smiled and shrugged it off as part of the process. But I was crestfallen. And terrified.
My grandfather stood there with his hand in his pocket, jingling his change. He looked nervous.
When Dr Pete called to congratulate me, I whispered into the phone
“NO ONE IS HERE!!”
He told me, “Don’t worry. Sometimes that happens. You met the people. They know you are there. Stick to the plan. You’ll be all right.”
Within three months, I was paying my overhead. The following year, I outgrew my space. He was right. I had been seen. People knew I was there.
It’s been almost 36 years since my Grand Opening flop. Last week, one of my patients, Donni, my fifth new patient of my career, came in for a check-up. She was one of the OG 3500. I’ve always understood her WIFM.
Here is a photo of Donni and me at my clinic party, December, 1990.
I’ve built two successful businesses. With more than 31,000 patients in the community in my first business, the clinic, and 4,000 clients who’ve hired me to advise and guide them, in my second, I can rightly say I’ve had my share of being seen. And, yet, I suppose at least the same number of people have simply ignored or overlooked me.
It turns out that I had to be the one who knew I existed.
I had to know my own WIFM best.
What’s your WIFM? And are you visible to yourself before anyone else? I guess that’s the question to answer first. With love. With patience. With curiosity. And, then, let yourself exist. And, then, put yourself out there, so others can discover you, and what you can do.
If there’s anything you take away from this, it’s that being willing to be visible means also being willing to be invisible. Both sides of this coin of experience are challenging. So, get ready!
Lean into your Visibility Intelligence to do it right by you. That’s what it’s there for.
Visibility isn’t an act of courage; it’s a built-in expression of your intelligence.
And, if you need some help with that, join me at an Intelligence Advantage Session.
I’ll help you discover what’s there to help you.
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My Invitation
If this Brief struck a nerve, you’re ready for the next step.
Join me for an Intelligence Advantage Session (IAS). It is a live, high-impact experience designed to help entrepreneurial women like you see what’s really running your results, and use your own intelligence suite to change them.
You’ll leave with clear language for what’s next, sharper awareness of what’s in your way, and the confidence to act on what matters most.
* * *
Until next time,
I am here to help you
Decipher the facts
Decode what matters
Make the most of what’s real,
And decide what comes next.
You are where your future begins.
Confusion today clouds tomorrow;
Clarity clears it away.
~ Dr. Case
